These days my email box is jammed full with letters from men asking for advice on how to attract women. Being a woman myself, I'm a bit on the fence as far as revealing the chick's club secret code, but as an eternal optimist when it comes to love and relationships, I'll do whatever I can to get everybody happily coupled up.
So guys, this month it's your turn. Below you'll find some a combination of my favorite make-her-toes-curl moves, as well as some fun tidbits from the thousands of women who write to me, telling me what they look for in a guy.
1. Take your positions for the mating dance.
Want to be the guy who gets noticed? Stand in the center of the room. According to Dr. Albert Mehrabian, the author of several books and nationally-known expert in the field of spacial psychology, where you are in a room (and what you're doing) has a lot to do with your ability to attract women. Where should you be for the highest impact and the greatest number of interested cuties? Smack-dab in the center of the room, standing up and moving around a bit. (But don't pace a track on the carpet for goodness sake...)
2. Nice guys wear blue.
According to Color Consultant Leatrice Eiseman, Director of the Pantone Color Institute and author of Colors For Your Every Mood, women are attracted to men wearing the color blue. And why wouldn't we be? According to Eiseman, guys who frequently wear blue are "stable, faithful, constant and always there." The blue guy is a fantastic candidate for a long-term relationship -- someone who's dependable, monogamous and can match his own clothes.
Concerned your wardrobe is driving people away? Stay away from what Eiseman calls "squished caterpillar yellow-green" which is said to repel both sexes equally.
3. Be an Alpha male, or just look like one.
According to Body Language Expert Patti Wood, you shouldn't fold your arms or chew on gum, ice or your fingernails. Wood says, chewing indicates anxiety or frustration, neither of which are very attractive emotions.
There's more. Women are biologically attracted to more dominant men, so stand tall with your shoulders back. Feel free to take up some space. Wood says appearing more dominant effectively draws female attention. To attract women, stand with your feet 6-10 inches apart, and your toes pointing outward.
For men who are victims of the "nice guy" badge, or who appear to be too submissive to attract women, try taking your Y chromosome out for a spin. According to spatial psychologist Albert Mehrabian, men should "try wearing bulkier or more conservative hairstyles or clothing," hold your head up, and speed up your speech and gestures to be more assertive.
Make your move.
1) The eyes have it.
Once you've zeroed in on a target, lock eyes with her for a full five to six seconds, then smile and drop your gaze. Don't stare a hole through the girl's forehead for goodness sake, just give her a smoldering come-hither look and look away. Do this at least three times in a ten to fifteen-minute period. Why? Your target needs to know it's them you're flirting with, and eye contact is a universal signal of openness. Then, make your move. Walk up and start a conversation. Wait too long and they'll likely lose interest.
2) Preen like a peacock.
We tend to preen or groom ourselves subconsciously when we're attracted to someone, by smoothing down our hair or clothes, such as straightening your tie. Try combining a grooming gesture with a smile and a gaze.
3) Monkey see, monkey do.
People mirror each other's body language when they are attracted with similar gestures, voice volume, etc. Try subtly mimicking your flirting target's behavior. If she leans forward, you lean forward. If he scratches his head, you scratch your head. If you are mirroring someone's behavior, they'll begin to feel as though the two of you are connected and "in tune."
4) Go in for the kill.
Once you and your flirting target have started talking, use these tips to deepen the attraction. First, smile and maintain eye contact as they are speaking, and focus all of your attention on what they are saying. There is rarely anyone more attractive than someone who finds you utterly fascinating. How to tell if a woman is flirting with you? Look for signs like extended eye contact, low-level touching and laughing.
What the women want
Finally, once you've made your move, there are a few more strategies you should employ. According to my research and the hundreds of letters I receive every week, what women really want is pretty simple:
1) If you want a woman's phone number, be a man and ask for it. Don't pull that weenie-move of handing us your business card and expecting us to make the first move.
2) Don't wait a week to call. We know you're playing it cool and it irritates us. Two or three days is plenty of time to wait.
3) Don't wait until the last minute to ask for a date. Give us a chance to look forward to it. (On the other hand, in the early stages of a new relationship (first month) NEVER ask us for a date several months in advance. Let 's make sure the relationship is something both parties want to pursue before you get locked into plans you may not want to keep.)
4) Never pressure a woman for sex. Really. Especially on the first date.
5) Be a gentleman. That means paying for dinner, holding the door open, and using your table manners. (Even if you can belch the theme from Star Wars.)
6) Always offer your coat on a chilly night. (Yes, we know we should bring our own, but we don't. Besides, there's something utterly fabulous about cuddling up in your big man jacket.)
7) On top of that, be yourself. A really great guy.
For more information on:
The psychology of color: www.pantone.com
Body language: www.pattiwood.net